I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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