im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
