No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
