I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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