My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
