ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
is this the sara with the beer cane?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
