can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
