Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
