I think my vagina is haunted
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
