im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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