your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Randomize
