fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
