So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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