Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
