Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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