Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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