If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
