How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
