she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
