went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
