I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
stop calling my apartment porn island.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
