Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
