Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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