Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
