just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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