Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
