I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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