oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
