you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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