Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
