I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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