I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
