But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
