There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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