I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
