I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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