I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I still have a little drunk in my system
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
