i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
