I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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