So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
