Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
