You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
