Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
