how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
