R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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