i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
