they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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