meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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