can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
