I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
