i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
