I just saw a hot homeless man
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
