I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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