We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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